charmed, i'm sure

i used to think that you brought me good fortune.
"everything just always works out when i'm with you!"

now you're gone, but lady luck hasn't abandoned me.

ah life!

faithfulfilling

lately i've been having to accept things that make no sense to me.
to believe without seeing.
the proof may be in the pudding, but tapioca must be obscuring my vision.

and with the holiday season upon us... i can't help but think of the millions of humans in our world who live every day in faith.
but isn't faith the belief in something or someone positive?
acceptance is different.
you don't have to like the things you must accept.
in fact, you can downright despise them.
yet still... faith in moving on, faith in the future, faith that these hard times and hard changes were meant to be.... necessary. for sanity's sake. but sometimes it takes a lot of convincing.

now the linguistic in me is going nutso.
faithful. full'o'faith.

does Chance truly believe that Jamie Seaver will find him? that his place is with the person who abandoned him? ...who is totally out of reach...?? regardless if the movie ends happily ever after or not, being full of faith sure makes one look weak.

weak... or,......
wise?

although i (narrow-mindedly) tend to discredit people with religious faith... i realize now that there is something to be said for surrendering.

there is peace.


and i'll sign off with a few poignant words from my own demigod... ani.

"i would like to state for the record,
i did everything that i could do.
and i'm not saying that i am a saint,
i just don't wanna live that way.
no, i will never be a saint,
but i will always say....
squint your eyes and look closer,
i'm not between you an your ambitions.
i am a poster girl with no poster,
i am 32 flavors and then some."

2 by 3 tremble

mother you are so beautiful... gazing at me
walletsized
from the hug of my pine-framed mirror.

your handsewn promdress
icicle blue
draped over your ephemeral silhouette
his arm slung lazily alongside your thin waist.

did you know then how cold his words could be?
had he already begun to tie the marionette strings?

how often did you wear longsleeves in the humid summers?

did his storms remind you of grandpa?

beauty to my mind

En perseguirme, Mundo, ¿qué interesas?
¿En qué te ofendo, cuando sólo intento
poner bellezas en mi entendimiento
y no mi entendimiento en las bellezas?

reckless love

i want it.

this

is how i feel today.

unsteady footing...
slave to the elements...
.dizzy.
.confused.
.not in control.

how curious.

i rarely sing in the shower but often on the toilet.

yay portfolio!

i can haz employment upon sf return?

w00t w00t

one month til peru....
3 weeks til tahoe trip...
2.5 weeks left of work...
3 days til "studio" time...
day and a half before the meet'n'greet...
12 hours til my next dosage...(grr)
30 minutes til staff lunch...
moments from madness.

in a good way.

you know that i could use somebody, someone like you.

work blogging is hard.

i have spent the last two hours NOT publishing a blurb on my org's blog because i think i'm too stupid. i didn't go to business school, i cannot read more than two sentences of the wallstreet journal without nodding off, and besides... i can't keep on track. especially when there is gchat.

me: i'm feeling a bit frustrated

Alexandra: uh oh about what?

me: this blog

i hate it

i so do not know what i'm talking about

Alexandra: oooh yeah thats tough, whats the topic?

me: not sure lol

Alexandra: haha

me: what a social enterprise stock market would look like and how non profs and for profs are merging

ew.

i dont even know what that means

Alexandra: social enterprise stock market? where they dont necessarily try to maximize shareholder profits? they somehow measure social benefits?

me: yes

but its unclear

because non-profs and for-profs would be going head to head... but for-profs would obviously get more investors because of possibility for financial return too...

which means

more companies like IC companies would flourish

cuz they provide both

BUT

that kinda erodes NPs alltogether... and they bring a little sumin sumin else to the table

so is it really the best atmosphere for our world? will anything even EXIST that doesn't drive off of capital???

Alexandra: true. and its really complicated to try to quantify their social "profit" to compete with financial

me: (i am obviously anti... which is why i do not belong in this sector) lol

exactly
but Bcorp could be the answer and i'm trying to wrap them in here

Alexandra: hmmm

smart lady

me: (but i'm afraid if i write what i just did to you... that i am incorrect with understanding what a social stock exchange even IS and then make IC look dumb publicly)

gulp.

Alexandra: right. wikipedia?

me: good call



back to work.

i hate that i don't hate astrology

but it is so spot on!!!
ridic ridic ridic.

You're not awfully good at being disagreed with. You delve into matters, think them through thoroughly and expect your conclusions to be universally shared. Flexibility is not your strong suit. No one should try to lie to you or keep things from you. Somehow you ferret out others' secrets although you keep your own.

Your love nature is very turbulent. You form relationships impulsively and then worry it's with the wrong person. There seems to be a dichotomy between the person you know yourself to be and the person you feel you should be in order to be valued and loved.

If you act upon your natural instincts, you are aggressive, sexual and competitive. If you do not, you may be somewhat passive and fearful with a great deal of repressed anger which expresses itself in temper. Your ego needs are exceptionally strong.

Since you were a child you have felt you could not just be yourself and be loved. You had to earn your love in some way by being or doing something special. You are far more self-protective than most people realize. Your best love partners are also work partners.